finally got this one cleared out and though it did not come out the way i expected (or per the norm wanted it) it is done. perhaps it will be replaced by something less annoying and sucky.


to know is to no

she never explained it
it was something in my eyes
a fortified protected anger
hiding behind a smile that lies

ive got my reasons
ive got my spin
ages and ages of dirty rages
to warm my skin

she is haunted by the horrors
she knew she could never fix
broken and bent and stained
and ideas that never click

ive got my rhymes
ive got my pen
scribbles filling dirty pages
to warn those kin

she is softly amused
trying to get her point across
different but back to the same
no gains no known loss

i dont have the time
i am not without sin
well dressed and dirty sages
to wear me thin

ive made this joke around the house but i really do see it as a real concept. since survivor jumped the shark a long time ago why not make the show matter before it gets canceled. imagine if you will survivor nyc. the rules would have to be altered for the environment but in the end it would be a viable excuse to bring attention to the homeless situation. lets see how long some of them can stand living in an alley with the constant threat of attack and constant noise. or for that matter why not use real homeless people as the participants thus giving some of them a chance to get out of the hole they are in. doesnt have to be nyc. any major city will do and it will be a whole lot better then that stupid ass mtv show ever was.

in other new...i am dying at how stupid octamom and her lawyers are. she gonna get rich. shes going to get fame. shes going to get fined up the ass for breaking californias very strict child labor laws concerning filming. you think she might have considered that part ahead of time. how much padding can you put around 20 minutes of filming a day? like she hadnt already proved she was a complete psycho idiot already.

my mother and i tore apart my care and replaced the valve cover gasket. now my car doesnt go. its fixable but after sitting beside the highway in 20* weather i just really want to deal with it for a while. or anything else for that matter. it was bad enough that i had to order the gasket off ebay to get a descent price and get it in time. when i called around about it i was told 5-10 business days at $40-$60 plus freight. so i got one off ebay for $21. not the prefered method for getting car parts but apparently when you drive a daewoo (or have one parked in your driveway) you dont really have a whole lot of options. i still need to do the plugs and wires since when i pulled the wires (all of them. at. the. same. time. has to be done to do this job.) the boots on them were nice little depth guages for the oils pooled there. normally i would just go out and get them but lets just pretend for a minute that i can do that with any part for my car. @!@!@!@XXX###XXX!@!@!@!@. at least i got the vacuum leak on the pandys car fixed before doing this. and by leak i mean the hose was pretty much completely shot to shit. so now i have a paper weight of sorts. estimates on repair are $30 to $3000. a couple of oil changes might fix it. or it might mean a complete engine rebuild.

since i was already pissed off and frustrated to the nth degree i decided that to get my mind off of it i would work on cloning my primary hard drive. cloning a partitioned 200g hard drive to a 500g sata drive connected via usb cable. oh and lets not forget that that not all of the partitions are of the same file system. of course i was trying to do the impossible and do it while actually using the drive. just like taking a picture of a moving object. that didnt work. then i had to try several different pieces of software to find one that would do the job. hours and hours of entertainment. i also had a very real fear of running out of drive letters while doing this. and doing this took me all the way to v:. i still havent gotten the nerve to swap the drives out and do the full test. at which time i also have to put in my new burner. this whole project has been waiting for attention since june so i think it can wait a few days to be completed.

now would probably be a good time for breaking rocks for my rock garden. hella good stress reliever and layer one is pretty close to conpletion. if i can get this phase done before winter really sets it will be all nice and ready for the top pretty layer when spring rolls around. its actually looking like it will be a pretty nice thing. never mind the fact that i am doing my damnedest to not use cement or sandstone for any of it. there is sandstone there now but it will be removed when the real rocks get moved it. other than the birdbath the only cement should be the chunch from love canal. this is not a flowering rock garden. its just a bunch of rocks. with the centerpiece will be a meteorite...that i have yet to acquire.

remember this: winter solstice is the reason for the season. so while you are killing animals and family members in order practice these oddball holiday traditions keep in mind that no matter how bad it seems it really could be much worse. and it will be. merry god damned xmess. now lets go watch godzilla vs mithra. it will be fun

now i guess i will head off to the mall to start my holiday shopping. im crazy not stupid. i havent been to a mall since october or so. dont plan to adjust that now.

evergreens sparkling snow get this winter over with

rippers fine post
it was never wrong
but it was never all right
chances taken
with offers refused
hand in hand
in a quite pace
screams for attention
come as the faintest sound
we all know their story
and all too well
times were wrong
and time ended the fight
fears were taken
by emotions bemused
stand the stand
to know thaty face
never ask or answer
of the others around
it will be worth a fortune
when it time to sell
---------------------------------
pair of eyes lost
they will only see
the places in the beginning
are the same ones
the were there for the ending
the same places
the same buildings
the same towns
the same people
the same trains
the same sounds
they will never see
all the cut and crossed wires
are the same ones
that helped put out the fire
a different year
a different state
a different kind of pain

attempt one with out pictures

we bought theses garment bags that are perfect for rhps costuming and i need some "vintage" help with them. i have searched them up and down trying to find a maker and to no luck. there are two different types so i am assuming two different makers. both kinds are non-folding brightly colored thick vinyl types.

one type zips down the side while the other zips down the middle. one type has the shoe pouches on the inside while the other has outside zipper pockets.

i managed to find four of these within a two week period for a total of less than $10. now i cant even find information about them. the color i found were red blue green and brown. i am guessing sixties or seventies by style and materials but really cant say since i cant find marks. these things are great and i need to find more but i need to know what i am looking for. so any help is appreciated.

i am also trying to figure out what they style is on the amelia earhart bag i have is. it is a rigid cloth type that zip across the top with ends that fold down like a milk carton. may have been sold as a saddle bag but that just really doesnt seem right to me. and this is one of those near unsearchable topics. too many bunk results due to disappearance.

also while trying to figure this out i came across my samsonite train case on ebay. this is one i have been toting around for years and years for storing toiletries. odd how well the thing works for doing just that. i picked this up at a yard sale or thrift store c1989. i always new it was missing the key. most of my samsonites lost the keys before i ever got a chance to. now i find out that this whole time i have been missing the tray and mirror as well. bastids. i still love it and if i really want tray and mirror i swap out one of my kaboodles. why bie tubs when samsonite can be thrift srored cheaper and lasts a hundred times longer. and will have resale value when i choose to ditch them. or they get ditched when i snuff it.

we also need to hunt some hat cases down but that is going to be a pain and a half. because the columbia hat is tall and the janet hat is so freakin huge that it hurts. i want to get ones that will truely protect so the cardboard type are so out. the trick is too keep them from getting damaged until i get the cases.

oh and i need to get another skatebox or two for rubber stamps and films. i just dont want to get one with the skates in it.
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get back its way early
for a step back here is part of the all interview from as is 25. ill get to the rest of it some day but i would rather do it from the originals. sorry about the screwy scan but i am not pulling the staples out of this mess. picture links to printable size. and since some of you are still around here i would like to take a moment to thank all of you that were so much help with the zine. sometimes i say i in reference to that but it was all of us working on it in one way or another. this many years later you people still kick ass. yeah even that one guy. i really cant express how much it means to me that so many of you are still in my life to one degree or another.

ok so i was digging for some stuff in my storage space and i found something kinda cool. but not hear as cool as it should have been. it had the typical toons reviews poetry and random crap but it also had interviews with all and chemical people. too bad it was the house copy and not the originals that i have been searching for. but there were originals for sever other issues (oh believe me i have more issue than you might think) and numerous one offs. small box for as much of my life went into it. pretty much everything in that box will get added to the project hell pile.

almost as funny as digging through stuff in the study and finding a simulated diamond (read: fake) and a natural garnet bouncing about. its like finding treasue the lazy way. oh wait that is finding treasure. i am happy that i kept them in their baggies until moved to their real home. it is a small collection that i am working on pieceing together that will probably never be complete. you see i decided it will not be complete until i get ahold of a cut bixbite/red beryl. i really like the color and look of that. but i dont think i could be a bigger asshole to myself since the way things stand it is one of the more rare stones. much much more rare than diamonds. to quote beavis dammit dammit son of a biiiiiiiiiiitch.

somewhere amidst that i came back across a screeching weasel moshing cow t-shirt that have been hauling around for [mumble] years. its not mine and i keep meaning to return it to its righful owner. not that it would fit. it is suppose to be a large or better but it is really a medium. frankly i think at this point i should work on getting rid of it one way or another. but the problem is that i have had this since i got divorced the first time. yeah that many years. hmmm i guess i can be a bigger asshole.

yes i still have at least one box to ship off. and omf"b" its headed east. but worse...its big. it will be just like 10mess in...december. aw crap. and its missing goods.

do you people know how freaking hard it is to find a cheap barbie type doll with out feet designed for heels? how the hell am i suppose to build mrs helix with that sexist crap. she does not wear heels. there was a time when all of this was almost easy. but now that i have better ideas and tools and skills i cant find what i need to make it live. not to mention i still have to learn to use a sewing machine.

ok the previous mess started me thinking that i need to draw out the map for my stereo so that i can start counts and all that fun stuff. and yes it a mess too.

the vhs vcr may get replaced with a combo deck
the turntables need to be replaced by 1200s at some point but until then they need service after they flipped off the dolly on to the marble floor when moving out of the fenz
the 8 track player needs serviced with a good cleaning and a new belt put in.
the records are there for stability and there is a good chance that one of the will get replaced with the sub wolfer from the system my older sister gave me.
the mixers need to be replaced with one that covers all channels without splitting.
it is also possible that a lap top (thank you lady) might be rigged up for playing digital content off portable drive plus serving database purposes
current counts show a need for 4 surge protectors. but that is prior to lighting being installed.
i need to check breakers and plugs prior to first run but should probably just run a fresh set.
man it still hurts

there is a possibility that the disc changer will go with the 78 turntable in a separate room and made usable by normal people. see? parents can be good for something. since both of those items came from that direction.

then i get to hunt for the perfect cabinet system. ok i found one but the time wasnt right for getting it. but for now they are easy to come by. after that i will be hunting for a rockola. but thats a load of money and electronics that i am no where near ready to touch.

EDIT: as mentioned in comments i forgot to diagram the mics in. one per mixer. i also forgot the big ass do not touch sign(s). even thou i have only once had some one do that with out training because most smart people assume correctly that doing so will lead to massive pain overloads.

i was recently loaned a copy of the stars my destination by alfred bester. for those of you who have not read it know it is a well good book. in the end it reminded me a lot of stanger in a strange land. but without the shitty ending.its a sci-fi personal discovery type story.

the one thing of personal interest is that i used to deal with this person that did a zine called four mile circus. i believe it was based out of oklahoma city but thats as much as i can tell you without digging through the archives and thats not going to happen anytime soon. i always liked finding how or where zine got the names they did. the less obvious the more interesting it was.

another aspect that reminded me of stanger in a strange land is that that book was loaned to me by this girl i knew in high school (and maybe i still know you). in both case i completely devoured them in record times. impressive since i am what you call stupid a slow reader.

a little quick research shows that i need to find my copy of the jaunt by steven king to reread and find the references. fine by me i loved that story and havent read it since c1988. small world i read into. maybe i should just read one of the 500 books i have to read someday. maybe i should sell some books and give away the rest. maybe i should shut the hell up and get on with it.
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so i got dragged back into zine life in a non print form and she that calls the shots has this song on a local stations website and says i should get all of my friend(s?) to listen to it. noramally i tend to blow off things like this for a hundred different reasons but this time i really like it. so go listen and then we can debate the issue.
http://www.947thebuzz.com/cc-common/artist_submission/player.html?art=184637
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red and green and brown and blue
thats a really nasty poo

the answers to the last version of friend foe so dont know the answers as follows

picture one - june 1990 - friend
picture two - july 1990 - (r-l) dont know/friend/so
picture three - c fall 1994 - so

and if you have been following stories or where there when they happened you might just be able to put together a few of the pieces. and i might repost the unedited version of the top picture so that you would be able to see better that the fellow in the picture is lounging about next to the indoor pool...that never got water put into it. and also he got two correct but cheated since one was his own bad self.


adn for the second time this year i paid for one of my domains at the last possible moment. yes i really do own femalegratification.com. no i dont put any effort what so ever into femalegratification.com. yes femalegratification.com is just a big joke to me. maybe some day i will put some effort into femalegratification.com and make it enjoyable for everyone but i dont see that happening anytime soon. but to be fair i put the same lack of effort into malegratification.com. ive got more gratification than i can handle.

need to make wsd ani-icon

me first and the gimme gimmes - lindy hop (does not exist)
chumbawamba - everything you know is wrong (with edited start cut spoken part)
beatles - ussr (yeah as if)
[unknown artist] - moon over marin (not original version)
todd snider - db cooper
descendents - sad state of affairs
johnny cash - wanted man
the jams - dont take five
limelighters - oklahoma city times
tmbg - they got lost
boxtops - the letter

stupid bowflex commercial deserves comments
"i gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends"
then they saw this commercial and my fat friends all punched me in my fat mouth.
"my wife gives that wink every once in a while"
that wink that says 'your not fooling anyone by pretending to be straight' or the one that says 'i poisoned your food again for calling our friends fat'


also let me know when you see the version of number 5 wall-e where all of his whoa-s are resampled and replaced by the whoa-s of the fonz. or vice versa

ok which one of you is the expet on digital photo image touch up. flash glare and negative artifact removal are the two current issues at hand. i know on the dust negative artifacts i need to clean the negative and what i really need to do is take all of these 620 negatives to a professional since they are family history. but that place is expensive and i what full prints that include the full negatives. then i have to make the rest of what i need - digital copies and slides.

the real trick will be finding someone who has the nerve to prints from a 8mm spool that is already too brittle. it is such a beautiful film that i am at some point do a 8 to dv8 to dvd conversion. but the prints have to be straight from the spool because of the loss of quality in doing the convesion. i love this one because it is a double date film in okc in what i belive is the 40's. i love amatuer 8 films but they are so hard to find and tend to be overpriced when they are found. but then they are one of kinds that often feature bits is history/life that you usually dont see.

i am sure i have said it before but i still think it is funny. because of my love for this type of thing is why i thought it was so great when i lived next door to mark zero. what with him being what amounts to an expert in the local world of films at the time due to work at and for various raves. anytime i would ask a place for information or supplies concering film three names kept being used a good source but never in any particular order. eppersons the flaming lips and mark zero - to all of which i would politely acknowledge but internally laugh hardily at. been there done that. eppersons was only good for one thin and that was human in nature. the other two were only ever good for information on 16mm information because that is what they dealt with.
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dammit i missed riotfest ticket sales. i really hope some nice person has already secured me atlest one ticket if not two. aw crap i dont even know whose going to the show. i just know that i was contacted from two different directions with the same message. you really have to be there. so i guess i do. ill email them for ticket(s) next week and see how that goes.

the best part is that if i go i will be taking a 2600 with me. let me sisters kids mock me for my horrible  on this one. but i really need to find the right cart. the only two i currently have are pac-man and asteroids which they will so kick my ass at. nevermind the fact they would be playing with equiptment that is older than any of them. i really should make them figure out how to hook it up to the new modern typew of tv. if they cant i win by default.

oh sure it looks nice on screenpaper  but its broken
in need of two lightscribe dvd burners to replace the present two...which is why there were two in the first place. i burn through burners.
in need of cache space on c:
in need of min 200g hdd to replace the one that is dying
in need of stable user
in need of a prettier sound for when it tells me drives are full.
in need of massive reorganization since this is suppose to be set up for video editing and does have the proper room for it. among other thing.
in need of more power
and the numbers on the drive wil not add up right because there is a hidden partition

this matches the two cameras i have
the good one has lines
the less good one has no zoom

but it goes untouched after putting $1150 into my cars front end while getting it in the back end everytime i buy gas. in a major petroleum producing state.

oh did i mention the jackass penquins?
did i mention the jackass allin?

for years i have been searching for the ideal dish pattern. i never really knew that is what i was actually looking for or that i would know it when i saw it but these facts are truth. i bought a plate at a thrift store and it now serves as my reminder to acquire a full 12 piece place setting. i have to get 12 because i am a big stupid clumsy oaf*. so the pattern is cathay as made by taylor smith taylor. and went out of production years ago. hello piece fillers and ebay. oh and it looks like this...


* i know this is redundent but it matches. for years i have described myself as mutlitarded and the definition of that is doing something stupid even though you are fully aware of how stupid it is. its my word and my definition. and my life.

you know that old saying about having the right tool for the job? well apparently the right tool is one that isnt crap. in the past two days i have killed two parts. the first being a brand new saw blade. burnt the teeth completely off of a section of it. ok that was my fault. i went from cutting 2x4 that was so fresh it was still cold and wet to cutting hardback (wall for wet area). with a wood blade. i could have made it last if i werent rushing it due to loss of light. or if i had used score and break like you are suppose to with the hardback. it happens.
then the next day i screw up a #2 bit for the drill. now i have a collection of that same size bit that will become #3 bits after i sand down the points where i have stripped the the rest off. eh it happens. this one though will be mailed back to ryobi. not that anything will come of it but it was the first time i used it and the thing fucking shattered the tip off of it. thats not suppose to happen with non-pro tools.
pictures may come later.
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i wanted to share something for any foodies in these parts. i went to an estate sale this weekend and the guy had two book shelves 7'x3'ish packed with cookbooks. it was so many and i had nowhere hear the money or time to sort and pick and choose. i held one that i was meant to buy (the one my mother has always used) but was not sure until after the fact that it was the right one. i saw none for my special collection of betty crocker 3-ring type. i didnt think until after the fact that i should have picked up some for my sister. i did get a peanuts cookbook. peanuts of the shultz flavor. i also got a james beard cassarole book and some spiral betty crockers. i also got some melbas swap shop books. its an oklahoma thing - no one understands.

i had a box of cooking mags that i had swiped from my aunt to send to my older sister but she has stated that she tossed the similar ones she has. so we made a deal that i would instead send a cookbook or two. though she likes r***** r** i dont think i bring myself to buy any of her books. this would have been a prime situation for finding her something special. i am thinking i might get her a fist full of the small run group fund raising type. hey it fair. a lot of those have just as many stolen recipes and that womans books do.

do i get my foodie hoodie now?