sans allin comique ([info]empallin) wrote,
@ 2008-09-25 15:20:00
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Current mood:sharkhead blasto pal
Current music:beatles - fixing a hole
Entry tags:when words collide

the angels kiss our souls in bliss measure the extent of a dizzying descent
living in the abandon

we could prenten its all ok
and that first time
was just like the first time
of all the things i could have said
i am sorry was what came out
as much as it still hurts
i still remember
but now it all seems like a skin
to a frame that was never there
------------------- -----------------------------------------

that quiet click
as your you dry lips seperate
slowly seperating tissue
that masks the desperation

something old
someone knew
someone burried
and you untrue

those single stray hairs
captured by the light
raising the resistance
the way you raise the lie

something told
someone new
someone borrowed
and hearts gone blue

patches of dry skin
at the top of your nose
hold a lifetime of stories
of eyes that missed the show
. . .
its the little things that get me
and the little things that stick
the little things i got lost in
that constantly make me sick




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[info]susanne_lisette
2008-09-26 05:09 am UTC (link)
Wow.

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[info]empallin
2008-09-26 10:12 am UTC (link)
o_0 please esplain. and to esplain that is actually two separate bits

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[info]susanne_lisette
2008-09-29 01:39 am UTC (link)
Happy to esplain! :) Honestly, I got a little speechless, but I really wanted to convey that your words had reached me and touched me, so "Wow" was all I could seem to get out at that moment, lol.

I figured that these were two bits, as the first part seems more like a "stream of consciousness," while the second is much more deliberate; but but I also found them very complimentary. In any case, thanks for specifying.

Okay, onto my thoughts... which I'm never quite sure you want... I know I must seem like some random weirdo who is often too quiet when she ought to be saying something, and at other times getting way too personal when things are best left unsaid. I honestly never know how to act when I meet someone who resonates with me like you do, not that it really happens very often *shut UP now Susanne*

First of all... I think this is fantastic. Just really and truly clever and rhythmic and the sort of thing I love to read. To elaborate; I love your sense of wordplay, the way you took an old rhyme and, while still managing to allow it to keeps its basic character, turned it into something else that is, seemingly, totally different from its original intent, but is actually far more honest and compelling. A silly, singsong bit of wedding superstition forced to spell out a bitter truth of love... Well, I think that's kind of fucking brilliant.

Lastly, I try to do this sort of thing all the time... Little phrases from popular culture that strike me with a different meaning; "Sweet & Low" for example... I once wrote a poem about someone who fit that description, but I never could make the words all come together on the page the way they did in my heart. You seem to have that knack for playing on/with words that I wish I had.

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[info]empallin
2008-09-30 11:37 am UTC (link)
didnt you see the sign on the door? this place is by and for random weirdo. so feel free to babble on.

oh me bitter? eh maybe a little.

sad thing is that this ability comes from years of bad puns, and random word games. but to keep that training while getting down and dirty with emotions and an occasional bad memory takes more work that i care to admit. so all of my writing may completely suck balls but i keep trying out of spite.

years ago i saw a quote that i cant find the source for nor does it exist in my notebooks that i can find...but the quote was along the lines of 'in every grown man is a dead poet.' the idea hit me close to home.

see with my notebooks is one a collection that belongs to my father that contains some of his work buried in it. but it is very buried and uncredited.

so for all of this it has to come together. never mind the fact that my mind and my heart are constantly at war with the outside world as much as with each other. and me at war with what little training i have ever received.

that makes a whole lot of no sense but i felt i should esplain some since you were so kind to. i thank you for that.

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